The Last Option


 


“You pass years with me and on a random Sunday walk by the road side you see love flourishing between a couple in a way you have not seen.”

On the similar lines, comes the next blog titled,

“The Last option”.

Hope you like it.


In this  ever changing scenario, even love has lost its piousness and understanding. It has moved away from having love and living it, to achieving it that too at a priority.

Priorities always give the feeling of confidence. To be treated at priority, boosts self-confidence and ego. To be an object of someone’s love or desire gives an edge over the others. And so even in case of trying to get love, everyone loves to be loved at first rather than waiting with patience for having it with time. To be first choice, first attention or someone’s first love is something that becomes more important than the person whose attention is supposed to be craved.

Love takes place in confusion and gets lost in maturity. We meet people, like them, date them, love them, and get committed. Slowly with time and the issues of life and love we move out of them. Love withers. We move and make new memories, prepare ourselves to love someone again. The cycle of love thus continues.

May be, I am not comfortable with the moving on thing. I am not ok being the “first person”, with the idea of loving again and again or getting accepted and rejected and continuing this vicious circle of love. May be what I want is to be happy and be with someone who feels happy with me. But this happiness should not be for a particular time period, it should be as long as our existence prevails. I want to be in an aura of love where emotions and feeling exists, where love is valued and felt and should not come only as a part and parcel that is attached with relationship tag. I don’t want to be someone who is tried and tested and if found a better one, is refused or rejected. I would love to bend in love but not be a changed and different person in love. I and ready to be the last option in the life of the relation I will have in my life.

To the ones who may enter to my life,

“Let me be the last option of your life. Let me be the one whom you consider and choose to be with after experiencing the different shades of love. Let me be the one who concludes your beginning, who finishes your search and who completes you. The one to whom you seek redemption, peace and relaxation, when you realize you do not want to search anymore and you want to not just try but get settled down with.

There is a reason and a rationale behind this thought. Because somewhere deep inside me, I don’t want to be the first person, anyone come and resort to for help. Nor the first one whom you think of when you want to laugh, when you want to share your sorrows, when you want some help or even when you think of settling down.

We as humans are greedy by nature. We always crave for more and better when we get something. We accept it for time being and hope for a better version of it. And so, if and when you settle with me first, you have not seen the world, you have not seen the cruelty, the rudeness and the harshness of the society. Also you have not seen the extent to which you can be loved and understood, what type of people you can be compatible with and what type of experiences you can have in your relationship. We met each other and fell in love, what love you received or saw was what I delivered and that you considered as of paramount level.

You pass years with me and on a random Sunday walk by the road side you see love flourishing between a couples in a way you have not seen. On your journey of life, you will meet and see friends, lovers, families all there happily enjoying love in a unique way which you have never seen and you will feel regret thinking that you could have got this, only if you would have not settled with me at first in your life.

I don’t want to be that regret. I don’t want myself be the pity, you feel for yourself. I don’t want the reason for your not being exposed to the world, to the types of relations, to the different love and sufferings. I want you go out live the life you wish to live, with others. Share the moments with others, pass the time, share a trust and experience everything. And in this experience, feel the love you want to have. And then if you will realize and find that life you want to get settled with, from someone else; be happy to go there.

But in case you find me somewhere on the path and feel that it is me the one who can be with you for seasons to come; I will be waiting. Because now you might have had understood my importance and it is very much possible that you will not leave me. You will stick to the thick and thin of life. You might ignore the small petty issues because you might no longer give them or treat them as something of great importance. Fights will be a part of the particular day and will not be extended to the whole life, arguments done in an hour will be treated and cured instead of continuously nagging on them. Now you will not compare me with anyone. You might avoid thinking of better or worse and somehow now with your whole heart and mind and with a genuine love you will end up with this last option as the best option and first option of you upcoming beautiful life.”

Sincerely Yours,

The Last Option


Article Published at @The Good men Project

Link: https://goodmenproject.com/sex-relationships/the-last-option-babb/

Image courtesy: Google

 

 

 

Blog: Love(Story)



In our life, it is always our closed friends who can define and explain us in a way better then us.

This is a story of samar and ananya from their friends perspective.

Article: Love(Story)


We never know if we really are with the one we are destined to be with for life. Even years of togetherness can’t assure us of this. But life goes on with a hope that the person you are with, is the one who is meant to be with you forever.

When the journey comes to an end, it gives us a minute of satisfaction, but years of longing at the same time. Reinstating our faith in the fact that the journey was more beautiful than the destination. It was an illusion which we perceived as being within our reach. But once there, we look back at the journey and feel that we should never have reached! We were happier, content, hopeful and joyful during the journey. It is the ambiguity of love which is its essence, and it is what keeps it going!

Love strikes in everyone’s life, but sometimes, the after-marks that it brings with it are the ones it leaves us with. They remind us of the time we spent with our loved ones; they are the doorways to the dream that we once lived. It puts a smile on our face and a drop of moisture in the eyes.

Samar and Ananya were no different. “You meet them once, and you’ll fall in love with them” said everyone who knew them. Friends, close friends, colleagues, family and all those who were associated with Samar knew his love for her. It wasn’t a love of a different kind, it was the same old love that we know. He was the typical one-woman-man we’ve seen in the movies, cliched to the very core! May be it was the cliche part that made it much more special and unique, difficult to find in today’s day and age.


“Samar was nothing more than the usual guy. I have known him since childhood. Average height, average looks, and good in studies. Great at mocking people, loved reading and writing. He was a fun loving person. Relationship was something that was beyond his understanding or maybe he was beyond girls’ understanding! He liked everyone in his life but loved only one; Ananya.”

                                                                                 –Naven Jacob (Samar’s best friend since childhood)

“I have known Ananya for the past 8 years. She has been my best friend since high school. She was the reason I had fights with my other best friends in school, because somehow I know she loved me more than anyone else. Ananya was a mess. A fat, chubby girl who knew only knew the language of sarcasm, never drove a two wheeler, who loved watching “Big Boss” lying on a sofa, eating tomato ketchup directly from the sachet and who went for movies just to eat the junk food available there. At one point she even had braces fitted on her teeth. She was a total tom boy or perhaps a man fitted in a girl’s body. I never understood why Samar loved her so much. Though she was too cute too be ignored. She knew that samar loved her and so somehow she respected that feeling. But from her end there was nothing of that sort.”

                                                                                                   -Avni Shah (Ananya’s best friend)

“He loved her in the most obvious way. The way a person loves himself; without any reason but to the core”

                                                                                  -Mohit (Samar’s closest friend from college)

“I have never seen or met her. I don’t know her personally, but Samar made me love her! When you talk to Samar, it was always Ananya in his words!”

                                                                                                            –Ramya Kapoor (Samar’s friend)

“I always wanted something to happen between them, not for Samar, but for me, because Ananya was such a great company to be with. Laughter and sarcasm were in her. Totally a person you’ll love to talk to. What I was asking for was magic. But seeing his love for her, I wish it happened.”

                                                                                           -Vineet Shah (Samar’s close friend)

“I scored low in exams and was crying. Ananya was abroad and got tensed and called Samar asking him to rush urgently to my house and look after me. Without giving it a second thought he came to my place with ice cream and stayed with me till evening. It was later that me and Ananya realised that he had scored less marks than me but as it was her order, Samar ignored his personal issues like every time. I loved the love he had for her”

                           –Avni Shah (Ananya’s best friend)

“I seriously wondered and was shocked when the guy who hated tech devices, suddenly got a smart phone. Just because she was going abroad and wanted him to buy one so that they could be in regular touch. He was mad for her”

    –Ridhima gupta (Samar’s close friend)

“He used to become Ananya when she was not with me. He never made me miss her. The day she left me and went abroad for studies, I cried a lot but he became her for many days. But the day he left me, I cried even more. Not because now I would miss him more, but because now I will miss both of them”

                                       -Avni Shah (Ananya’s best friend)

“Every draft of his writing was first sent to her and then to others. Her opinion was his decision. He always wanted to write a love story. He tried but wasn’t successful.  But in writing what he missed to realize was that he didn’t need to do anything. He had love and she was his story.”

                                    -Ridhima gupta (Samar’s close friend)

“His talks always began with what she said, whether it was related to her or not. It was always 3 people, when I talked to him. Me, him and her.”

-Vineet Shah (Samar’s close friend)

“I loved one thing especially that the guy whose love interest and crush changed every 3 weeks, was the one who waited for her for 3 years. I was surprised when I heard about her. She changed him totally. I felt that this time it was real, was genuine and was worth waiting for, not from his words, but from his eyes when he spoke about her.”

-Ziyad Sheikh (Samar’s Childhood friend from the same society)

 “His phone had his own contacts but his phone gallery belonged to her. You see it and you feel that it was her phone.”

-Ridhima gupta (Samar’s close friend)

“I don’t know why, but I always told him to leave her and move ahead. I was the one who introduced Samar and Ananya. They were very much the same in personality and I loved them. But maybe I never found love in her for him and what he was doing was just burdening her with guilt.”

-Diksha Patel (Ananya’s friend)

“Everyone who knew them, loved them. The only fear I had was what if nothing went the way he wanted, because I always saw the love but no love story.”

-Vineet Shah (Samar’s close friend)

“They were too open with each other. May be couples do not have such clear relationship which they had.”         

-Ridhima gupta (Samar’s close friend)

 “Had they ended up being together, it would have restored my faith in love”

                   -Arnab Rajeev (Samar’s close friend from classes)

“They aren’t separated, they never were. They aren’t together, they never were. They still belong to the same old world of theirs, stuck in time, in their world of love and happiness.”

                    -Ridhima gupta (Samar s close friend)

“I have known Samar for the past two years. He appears to be a fun loving kind of a character. But he does not have a heart. Instead he has a hard shell that hides a time span of about 4-5 years within. One has to be persistent and patient enough while dealing with this guy. Only when he starts to trust you (which will take a lot of time), will he let you in and allow you to sneak into that shell. I have never met Ananya, never talked to her, in fact I don’t know if this is her real name! But I do not want to meet her. Because the perception of her that Samar has set in my mind is of a girl who is so perfect in every aspect, I fear that the real Ananya might not live up to that perception.”

-Raman (Samar’s college friend)

“Today, she has gone to a different country and has her own life with her newly founded love and Samar is living in his world of words. They do not have any contact with each other, I still seriously feel that somewhere just the narration has ended but not the story. It is still incomplete. And as much as I know Samar, he will never complete it. It lies here”

-Vineet Shah (Samar’s close friend)

 “He says he lost someone special. My friends say I lost a guy worth dying for, someone very important and close. He feels that after all the things that happened in our lives, it was only he who suffered. What he does not realize is that in going to a different country and luckily meeting another guy, what I actually lost is a special person who was very important to me and that is Samar.”

                                                                                                                                                      –Ananya


 

Picture Courtesy: Facts about Life

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ramtajogi2620/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#SoCS: Male Ego



Article: The Male Ego

3 Years back I wrote this article out of frustration or regret, i don’t actually remember the actual reason.

Today re-reading it I found may be the world have changed, the words could have been more matured, the points covered could have been less biased. But still the feel of the topic exists even today and that is <Male Ego>


 

The only quality that separates a male from being a True gentle man is what we call “Ego” or “Male Ego” to be precise. The society where we live from our childhood to adulthood had made us see violence of a man on a woman or male domination over the females. And that is what stays in us, lifelong. The biggest problem with mind is it learns slowly what it hears but learns fast what comes in front of it.

Nowadays the relationship/ friendship break only because of this “Male Ego”. Either it’s just friendship or a beginning of a relationship, what a man wants is to rule it or guide the relation in His own way. The only way their friendship should run, depends on His mood, His timing and His interests. The only way He wants to continue His Love-relation depends on His limitations and His extend till where he wants to continue it and when he wants to end it.

He acts with her as if she is taken for granted. His worst behavior with her are the consequences of his bad day, His problems becomes the result of her acts, or of her being in his life. She becomes the one to be held responsible for how he is living, and whenever things get wrong. On fine days, every good thing too has a share with her, though not completely. It gets divided between her and He-himself. Regardless of good points, a Man has a problem of oneness. All achievements achieved by him are mainly because of him and less because of others, that’s what he thinks.

The recent era is getting more technological and fast-forward. We-The Man are less for ourselves and more to show to people and this in turn this is lessening true side of ours. We don’t have time to feel or think our true wishes and interests and just show people that how great we are.

In the entire act, it is only the girl who suffers a lot, who with all good thoughts and pure feelings wants to be with you as your love or as a good friend to cherish your company. She sees what bad you do to her, feel bad for that actions of yours but still feels good for you; still finds that what you are showing and how you are behaving is just a temporary act and you respect/love her more than you show. She lives in a world of her own self, where the only thing she sees is what makes her feel good. She pays no attention to all the ignorance and wrong behavior towards her and even if she does; it results in a bit of sadness and shortly she continues overlooking it.

But still, in the midst of all this there comes an end; an end to all sufferings, all the bearings, all the problems that a girl faced all because of the man in her life and she gives up. She gives up what she loved someday; she gives up what she wished with someone. She gives up the life for which she was not made of and which she was living just to receive love and lately in return she realizes that the love which she deserved to get with all such giving is actually what she haven’t got till date.

All she received love is when the man Himself wanted, in the form in which the Man delivered; her wishes and emotions were not only disregarded; they were not even considered. Thinking all this she gives up it as a matter of past. And a freedom welcomes her; A freedom where her happiness is more important for herself. She starts receiving all the positive energy from all sides, finds better people who loves her the way she wants, loves her for what she is, wants to be with her for the person she is and she feels bliss.

Still that Man cannot be Hu-man, he don’t feel for her going from His life, also he cannot see her with a other people too, he cannot feel good. He gets bewildered looking that there are people who can make her happy and feel her loving and he cannot. He feels that he was right and all what has changed is the attitude of the girl.

He does not know that there is a difference between a man and a gentleman.  And the major problem is his thought, his attitude and his ego to run the people according to him. He cannot make himself believe that he didn’t deserve her. All what hurts him is the feeling that he lost. He lost her itself makes it clear that he considered her merely as an object. And an object definitely can be lost as well as can break. That’s what happened with the Man.

What we as humans needs to understand is ,there is nothing like an end to any relation, it’s just realizing what went wrong and feeling sorry from heart for your deeds, and leaving it to the other person to feel the sorry. If he/she does; it’s your fate, if they doesn’t, leave it. Don’t force, maybe they are very happy with someone else. So let it be. Because the happiness is that’s something what you never gave them and sometimes happiness of the person is more important than the closeness of the person.

A friend once said, “Even in the best of the man, you can’t take the ego out of him.”

“Do not have this Ego, which destroys the person himself and relation altogether”

  @ramta jogi


This is a part of SoCS :

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Oct. 15/16


 

Life @ 22



Weird, thoughtful, insightful, that is what our age @ 22 defines.


Though both digit of our age appear same, at this time but there is no such sameness apart from this,

Our bachelors seemed to be completed anyhow by this time {except some exceptions of doctors, lawyers and failures too} and we are about to keep our half-developed minds into this fully developed world, to learn how to develop the rest of the half part.

And in that state we spend our most of the time getting confused, bewildered and roaming aimless here and there. 90% of the girls with whom we had actually talked or only had a crush in secondary school are either engaged or married (committed is left far behind). The time to impress them and get committed to them is already gone and some high packet salary nerd has already sealed the deal.

All our rowdyness and machoness which we showed in school and college by not studying and not attending lectures has finally showed its after-effects and we are roaming here and there with no jobs in hand. Getting out from house is getting dangerous day by day, as all the neighbors  start staring and asking  about marriage and job , neither of which can be answered nor can be denied , so with a low face, we need to run out of the place as fast as possible.

All the entrance exam options, opting for which we could have at-least justified that we are busy studying, are either over or are too hard even to try and if some exam is easy than it is not worth for us to try it. So finally at 22 we are left only with  a bunch of friends who along with us are travelling in the same train and that’s why it gives us a sort of relaxation that we are not alone in this “ERA  of 22”

@ramta jogi                                                             

A short sweet life


We sometimes never able to understand what our life is or where it will take us through, but if we think then we will realize that we don’t need to understand it.

On a random weekend, at 11:30 Sunday noon after having a brunch with a old college friend and coming back to my place, the only feeling that goes in my mind is contentment and a feeling of accomplishment for having had a time which will be relished forever.

Now in my comfort zone which I have created for myself, do we actually need to think we about life?

The sweetness of life is that it is short else we would have been bored with it too. And in this short life we need not to always thing what we want to achieve or about what we want to chase. Else this short life will even be more shortened.

Sometimes the only things that are meant are to enjoy are the ones which are tiny enough to be seen easily but are achieved more easily.

A walk in the rain

Witnessing a cloudy day with a cold breeze flowing

Enjoying a television show you like,

Taking dinner with the entire family,

Calling up an old friend you haven’t talked since ages,

Sorting the old grudges,

Crying for someone you miss and

Expressing your love for someone and many more.

At this age having mental peace is the most difficult thing to obtain.

Why?

Reason: Because we don’t want it.

We remain occupied in so much of thoughts about our outer self that we find it difficult to have some part of our time for our inner self and that result in the absence of peace

And then we complain that life is Tough.

Life is not tough; we have actually made it tough by ignoring the time for ourselves. By moaning for the big things in life which we were not able to achieve and not considering the sweet small beautiful things which gives us a sense of satisfaction and peace too.

It is a right time to change and a right time for OURSELVES

@ramta jogi

 

 

To her from him



Some letters define us                  

Love in young days looks beautiful and when it is read years later, the language ,the words and the mistakes make it look even better.

Presenting : To her from him                                                         


 

The first message on Facebook was as usual. The first meeting through a friend was ordinary. The first talk on phone, the first exchange of texts was casual. But it never remained the same way too long. The voice began to sound cute than normal. The laughter sounded as a soft music than being absurd. The feel for you grew day by day at a rate higher than that at which our heart beats. The urge to see as well as hear you increased with the passage of time.I was in love with you, in a very short time. When I was at the peak of my emotions of dreaming a life with you; I suddenly fell down, hearing from you that we are about to become good friends. In seconds of time, my feelings were crashed, my world was devastated and I was left all alone in the entire world. As after a day, I became normal. I realized how i over reacted by ending my world, just in a relation which actually got time of only 1 month to rise. I felt myself as dumb. But the silver lining in the chapter was you agreed that we became friends and those too Good Friends.

Our talks as friends enhanced and we became known to each other to a better extent. I constantly made efforts to know you more as that special feeling for you apart from being just friends were still there in me. I loved each part of my time which had the presence US instead of ME alone. The talking to you till late nights was one of them. We didn’t had much to talk but still the continuation of it till long hours, though rarely, made me feel good.Whenever you used to be Dull or out of mood, I tried to make you happy  and craved to see you smile. I was not paid for the job of making you happy, still am satisfied I received with the returns I get with your smile.  In the rest of time apart from my work, which I rarely did, the best thing was to think about you, it gave me a sense of contentment filled with peace. I was happier to live in that dreamy world of ours which belonged to only me though. I didnt knew you in depth even till then, but still in my own world, you had the best qualities and you were the best person , I can ever imagine of.  Still in as per your thoughts it was too early.

Time was going great with you in my life. We haven’t met each other that way since long, as you always had priorities for your best buddies and your old batch mates, and also you might not even that much interested in meeting me , but that didn’t bothered me. I don’t wanted you to go away from the things you love and come to me, as that would be a compromise and , love is understanding not compromise. I neither thought to disturb you from your happily going life, as your actual presence didn’t matter to me by that time. It was your voice, your nature, your heart and more importantly your feelings that took the prior place.  Still in your view it was too early.

I was feeling more and more for you and you were just the same. With the passage of 2 years, we became known to each other a bit more. But still in your words I just knew you 60% of the total (but, who had actually known girls to 100 %, not even GOD) and you knew me whole. With all the fights, all the over possessive attitude of mine, the least caring attitude of yours, all my days, when I actually irritated you and during all the time when you spent hours talking to me, and with all those break-ups of mine with you, even without having any relationship with you we actually got to know about each others life’s, daily activities, and all the things related to each other, in a better way and we became somewhat close friends. At least a sort of bond you don’t share with people who are knew and people with whom you share are very few. But still we were only Friends. Harsh but true. I got to learn a lot more good qualities from you, some from you and the others for you but still you weren’t able to learn Lover from me. With your neutral attitude towards Love and with smile that still pleases me, I actually became a bit more patient. I realized that it’s still not the time to be a person who belongs to you. It’s still better to be a person by your side.

A true love may need a hand in hand to travel the journey of life together, but why to imprison the other person by holding her. A great love only needs a feel of love from the love, to live the entire life with peace and happiness. I realized that its you that matters to me, it’s your feel that makes me feel happy, it’s your innocence that make me feel bliss. Neither it was and nor it is a tag of relationship that will make a difference. The feel which I share for you, is way ahead than any relation, it’s a state of comfort for me, to feel for you.You may exist with me or not, but your existence in me is already there. Still, it will be great to see you with me , together embraced in my arms, smiling at each other and having a life worthy with each other  for the rest of the life together,

                             But I know

                                 ……. Still in your view it was too early :J

————————–RAMTA JOGI

An Open Letter To Everyone Back Home Who Asks “Why Don’t You Call Nowadays?”


There is a nameplate hanging outside my home which has my parents’ name on it. This place is safe, surrounded by love and trust and there is a feeling of contentment. It has an aura that drives away fear. It has a divine power in it. It entrusts me with the confidence that if everything in this world were to go wrong, this place would never let anything happen to me. My family, these are the people who knowingly or unknowingly have shaped who I am. They have totally dedicated their lives to my upbringing and betterment. We might call it ‘responsibility’ that every parent carries but that too comes out of concern, and such concern comes out of love.

As I grew up, I began to connect with others. I moved out, met new people, understood new things and experienced a different world. Once we start thinking for ourselves, things can’t remain the same; they have to change. I too started realizing what is right and useful for me. My family also supported my views and helped me take decisions that would boost my future. With a practical approach in mind, I moved out to climb the ladders of success in life. I left this safe and secure dream world, my world, and entered into a world which I never imagined would be so big and so different from mine. From the safe confines of my private walls, I moved to this labyrinth where it’s easy to get lost. I moved to a different state and a brand new educational experience. This world was filled with new experiences, and I faced new circumstances every day; some even challenging. I made many new connections; a plethora of information blew in my face like a strong wind.

The beginnings are always difficult as I missed everyone back home. It took some getting used to, for me to moved ahead. My best friends called me every day, and I called them back too. My parents called me every evening and would emotional. They’d ask even the minute details of how I spent the day and I obliged them with it. I’d asked them about life at their end, and they talked about things familiar to me, making me feel at home even in this strange new place. I took to the social media more than before to keep in touch with my kin and friends.

Alas! The constant nature of change is what tends to work against these connections. Change tends to break them, but this is involuntary. When one has taken the effort of coming out of the comfort zone, one tends to focus more on this effort, and this may us lead to disconnect. We get lost in understanding and deciphering this novelty of a world that we’ve entered. The phone calls we made every day are now less in frequency. And this happens from both ends; mine and theirs. We expect that they will contact us while people back home expects me to make the effort, but we both lose it. My father calls and asks “why don’t you call nowadays?” And I don’t have any answer to it. Even my friends and loved ones message saying “Dude! You have changed a lot. You don’t even text or reply on time”, and again I don’t have an answer to it. When this happens, one tends to become an outsider.

But the truth is “I am not an outsider”. It is not that I want to behave the way I behave, it is the environment and the thoughts that separate me from what I was and what I am about to become. It is not always the work or hectic schedule of mine that keeps me away from talking to my family and old friends. In a way, this is a new found freedom and I am busy utilizing it. I prioritize indulging into this freedom more than the constant need to keep in touch. The occasional drink, the rare indulgence in smoke, and of course there is the workload. Why shouldn’t I explore this freedom? I do remember them, but by the time I want to call them, it’s too late in the night and then it’s not an appropriate time, and people think I have changed.

But I have not. I have only taken charge of my life. After living in security for so long, I have come out and taken the charge of securing myself. I am dependent on “ME”. My mother’s not here to ask me what to have for dinner, nor is my father here to ask me what to bring while returning home and nor do I have any siblings here who will help me with my work. I am an individual who has come to create his own identity. I have an agenda here; this keeps me occupied. I may forget about them now and then, but I do miss them.

I am still the same insider. I miss them; I too get frustrated being alone but these feelings rise and die within the confines of my new, temporary accommodation. Nostalgia keeps me from even listening to their voices sometimes. This dependency on my parents who raised me, the friends who were always there, that girl who always spoke to me for hours but it seemed like minutes; this dependency is what I’m trying to end. Of course, I am desperate to see them again, be home for the festivals and during the holidays. Who doesn’t?

But you change. You get used to living alone to the point that you actually prefer it. I prefer the solitude the crown has to offer. No one comes to talk to you if you’re not “alone”. I have tried to purge emotions so that it gets easier for me. And then I asked myself a question. Who am I without my parents, friends and that one girl? I got busier trying to find my identity, and it all soon became easy. I found myself. I had to dissociate first to find myself and in this process, I became an outsider. Well, better the real me outside than this shadow of a person I was inside.

The truth is that in this self-discovery. I have realized that I just have different sides to the same person who lived in that place with his parents’ name plates on it.

@ramta jogi


Published in Youth ki awaaz

An Open Letter To Everyone Back Home Who Asks “Why Don’t You Call Nowadays?”

The smile that lasted


“Sometimes LOVE has no words, it has just SMILE”
In Youth Ki Awaaz comes my latest article.

A story of love , loss, grief and smile.

If time permits, do read and rate it 


 

 

I met Anant when I was in 6th grade. A very smart person with decent looks, Anant made for a talkative, naughty and charming classmate. He had a smile which impressed many and helped him make quite a few friends. With each passing grade, we became the best of buddies.

However, when college started, I moved to a different city and phone became the only way to stay connected with my childhood friend. During his college days, he met a girl named Tia – his good looking and charming classmate. Their relationship started with a close friendship and progressed to love. And within the second year of their course, the two of them were in a committed relationship. Whenever I visited my hometown, I would make it a point to meet the two of them. Somehow, I always felt that Anant’s smile was what kept them glued together.

Time passed, and we had reached what you could call the marriageable age. Anant and Tia now had 6 years of togetherness to fall back on. In a generation which has the power to end relations by simply sending a message; where people change with the blink of an eye, here I was witnessing two amateurs who were still dedicatedly in love. They knew each other inside out. Whether it was the happy side or the miserable one, their understanding of each other was what made their bond so extraordinary.

They spoke to their parents about getting married – argued and fought but stayed adamant in not letting go of each other. Somehow they knew that love is something which can be and should be fought for. Before I knew it, I was preparing the invitation cards for the guests. A day I wanted to witness since so long had finally arrived.

In the midst of happiness what we forget is the temporarily of our emotions. Nothing lasts longer than it is destined to. We are animals of hope, and that’s what keeps us going. One and a half years after Anant and Tia’s wedding, I got a call. Waking me up from an afternoon nap, I picked up Anant’s call only to have an unknown voice speak to me –

“Hi Brother. This is Raj. Our sister in law Tia is no more. Her rituals are to be performed at 11:30 today.”

The phone left me in the state of shock. I was not sure what and how to react. Sitting isolated in my dorm in a different city so far away, I felt incapable of doing anything that would make things better. I called my parents and friends and asked them to reach Anant’s place at the earliest.

And then I was crying. Only to try and hold back my tears and be strong the next moment. All those 6 years of knowing Tia were running through my mind. All the short and sweet memories I had with her and, moreover, with them will now be permanently stained with the sorrow of death.

It took me hours to realize what Anant might be going through. People asked me to talk to him, but it was just not possible for me to do so. Maybe I was scared of witnessing the pain and harsh reality in his voice. I never understood why people often try to console and stop others from crying during such situations. One must shed their share of tears before the wound heals. I didn’t call him for many days. I couldn’t.

My parents told me that Tia had been suffering from lung infection. And as fate would have it, Anant had to move to a different city for his work at around the same time. He would return to the city only on weekends to meet Tia. During the last week when things got worse and she was admitted to the hospital, he could only return by the time she had permanently made peace with his absence.

My parents said they found it overwhelmingly difficult to face Anant at his home. His eyes were swollen with the constant crying. He was not able to carry himself without the support of others. My mother also cried seeing his plight; pitying his loss at such an early age.

I was not able to imagine what Anant might have felt seeing his companion lying lifeless on the hospital bed, not opening her eyes one last time. I blamed fate, destiny and life. I never understood what mistake that 25-year-old girl could have committed?

And what about Anant? Wasn’t this when he was supposed to enjoy life with his love instead of losing everything like this? I cried for days, feeling sorry for all that had happened. I felt sorry that Anant had lost the love which had held him together in times of sorrow and pain; the love which cheered him in his success. The one who was the reason for him to grow and achieve more was now no more. These past 7 years, Anant and Tia had created memories and lived a life of dreams that suddenly all ended in ashes.

3 weeks later, I returned to the city deciding to meet Anant that very night. We sat facing each other, barely talking; not once daring to mention Tia. We exchanged an awkward smile aware more than ever of the huge void she had left behind her. A void that was now filled rather oddly by an inanimate garlanded photo frame, propped in-between our sofas. One that froze her in a single moment complete with her bridal suit and smiling face. We glanced at her photo, looked at each other and could only fall silent again.

Maybe it was still the smile playing charmingly on their faces that was keeping them together even now.

@ramta jogi



 

Published at @Youth Ki Awaaz

This Tragic Tale Of Love Reminds You Why You Shouldn’t Take Your Loved Ones For Granted

 




 

The Forgotten Love


And somewhere in the midst of two villages a jeep carrying a few passengers stopped. In the scorching heat of summer, the passengers came out and asked the sugarcane vendor for some glasses of juice. He delivered them. The men from the jeep offered the glasses to the women sitting inside. Some belonged to the family of the men outside and some were unknown. One of the men offered a glass to a shy lady among them. She took the glass oblivious of who it was that had offered it to her. The journey continued and they reached their village. The man went to his home and the lady who he had offered the glass of juice to went to her maternal uncle’s place.

A couple of days later the girl’s maternal uncle was invited to meet an educated guy who works in Calcutta (now Kolkata) and had come down to his village. He was looking for a bride. So, if they were interested, the family of that young man would like to meet them. The girls’ maternal family responded to it positively and so, asked the girl’s father, who belonged to a different village, to come over. They then went to the young man’s home to ask him and his family to visit and meet the prospective bride.

The elders from the boy’s side came, saw the girl, had a long chat with elders and left. The girl’s family was not sure about the answer they would get. The boy’s family were worried since they thought that the girl was extremely thin and joked that she would get blown away even in a small wind storm. But later, the boy was asked his opinion and he agreed. The date of the wedding was fixed.

The courtship period began as he left for Calcutta for his job. Letters were exchanged and the occasional telephone calls also began between them. Six months passed this way. Now the marriage was announced and invitation cards were printed.

She shifted from her house to his home and her new life began. Soon after the marriage, he went back to the city for his job while she stayed back in the village. He increased his visits to his village and she, on the other hand, made it her duty to get to know his family better and form good relations with them. A couple of years later she shifted with him to Calcutta. It was a different city, a different culture. She started learning and adapting to everything. With the passage of time, they learnt more about each other. A decent, innocent and short tempered guy and a simple village girl with simpler dreams and aspirations. But both were pure and pious at heart and only wanted happiness in life. This was what brought them together. For them, a grand life, luxuries, and extreme riches were never priorities in life. They wanted to have a good life with their family. That is all.

They used to go out sometimes. Laugh, fight but, eventually, their day would end with both of them lying together on a single mattress with one pillow. Life was not easy for them. To survive in a big city for village people with small aspirations is always a difficult task. But their support for each other from the very beginning was what kept them going. They faced many struggles, but like on a boat in a sea storm, a hand in your hand gives you way more confidence than the fright you get from the vicious waves of water. They survived and life went on.


 

They are my parents. My mom and my dad. 28 years have passed. They wake up at 7:30 in the morning. When he wakes up early, he disturbs her peaceful sleep because he hates sitting alone. Later he goes to the kitchen and prepares tea for her, to have a reason to wake her up.

She wakes up and quarrels with him for disturbing her sleep yet again. Both take a newspaper in hand and start sipping their morning tea. She finishes her tea, and he always leaves two sips of tea in the cup for her. She gets angry that he never finishes his tea. He jokingly gives the same answer which he has been giving for 20 odd years, that he has left that much for her out of love. She throws a tantrum but takes the cup and finishes it.

He leaves for office and she gets engrossed in her work. By the time he returns from work, they have already spoken four times on the phone. Their conversations may take the form of arguments, discussions, teasing but often include a lot of laughter.

He comes back, asks where the children are and has dinner with them. Post dinner, they again take a couple of hours to sum up their day to each other.

Their old letters are preserved in a locker. Their old memories still make them laugh out loud. The struggles they faced still fill their eyes with tears. Yet, looking at each other gives them strength. All this makes their love grow stronger.

And here we are on the other side. It seems to me that we have all the modes of communication but nothing to talk about. We argue and fight over petty issues and instead of sorting them out, we sort the other person out of our life. Missing someone is rarely a thing now. Moving on is the latest trend. Understanding and feeling are lost and replaced by the term ‘practicality’. Struggles separate rather than bring two persons together. “Things didn’t work out between us” is a valid argument to end a relationship.

I feel we have become more isolated in this generation even with the best of means to survive. We seek love everywhere even as love has become so easy to find. Happiness seems to be depreciating as our lifestyles improve.

Maybe, this shows that love doesn’t need any of it. It is a belief. All those who believe, thrive. The remaining strive.

My Family Ignore The Messages Wishing ‘Happy Women’s Day’


Like any other morning, this morning started with the usual course of activities at our home. It was a pretty normal day for me and everyone else in the house. They began their work and I started mine. We had breakfast together and dispersed off on our routines.

So what’s the difference between today and any other day?

Just a few additional things happened today. The inbox of these women was flooded with some 40 odd messages. The newspapers, both online and offline, were full of articles portraying different perceptions people held for this day. Facebook was full of images with the message of “Happy Women’s Day” and about a hundred women tagged on each of them.

My mother saw the messages, but didn’t reply, instead she put the phone aside and went to the kitchen. My sister marked each one of the messages and deleted them all at once. My crush didn’t even bother opening them. She preferred being offline. All of them untagged themselves from those posts on social media.

It is not that they don’t respect the achievements of women and their contribution to the world, or that they don’t appreciate initiatives for women empowerment. But making women feel so very important and special on this particular day through messages and wishes and labeling this day as the “International Women’s Day” just doesn’t suit their, or my, understanding.

Sitting with them and talking to them about this day made me realize the fact that making them feel special on this day by showing unusual respect, or taking them out for dinner, gifting them the things they love is not really something they would necessarily like. These things are just meant to pretend to the outer world that we have a positive approach towards women and we respect them and treat them with equality. But what we fail to realize is that just showing isn’t equivalent to feeling the same from the core of our hearts.

8th of March has been marked as “International Women’s Day” since the 1900’s to celebrate the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. The day also marks a call to action for accelerating gender parity. However, the sensitivity that is associated with the issue of women empowerment and parity can be judged from the fact that it’s been over a hundred years and we still need a “Women’s Day” to respect women and treat them well. Whereas, it is the approach towards women for the entire year that should define the celebration of this day on the 8th of March.

Let’s all question ourselves – are women safe and secure around us? Are they given rights equal to men? If yes, then are they actually able to exercise those rights? Do we treat them equally in our minds and hearts as well? And, will women be treated better for the rest of the year until the next women’s day?

Trying to answer these questions yields more doubts in our minds rather than answers. Hence, we avoid them. The fact that we don’t have answers to these questions signifies how “happy” this day must be for the women around us.
The entire year goes in satisfying the ‘male’ ego, satisfying the urge of being the ‘superior’ gender through rapes, molestation and public humiliations. Suddenly on the 8th of March, we treat the same “inferior” gender as goddesses!

Birthdays are not celebrated only because you were born on that day, but also because you survived a year more and for all the learning and understandings you developed in that year. Similarly, we forget that the entire year, women have been treated badly. Whether we consider it at national platforms or even at our homes.

People argue that women are being treated well and are being given equal opportunities on the basis of a sample space that hardly forms 5-10 percent of the entire population. But what they neglect is the way they are treated in the rest of the space. Providing a handful of women with opportunities and a stand in the society when a majority is being objectified, or a means to get dowry, and are being deprived of even the basic human rights is not something to be termed as women empowerment and felt proud of.

Do the wishes count? Do they change the perception and understanding of men towards women? Does the standing of women in the society become the way she wants it to be and not the way the egoistic male wants? When the answer to all of them is No, then how can we say that the wishes of a happy women’s day are even valid? It is all a myth.

A day cannot solve the plight of women in the mind of the entire society. What I contend is that we should mend our behavior in a way that we no longer need the crutch of a “Women’s Day” to treat females fairly and equally.

@ramta jogi


Published on : Youth Ki Awaaz

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